| Bush Caught In One Of His Own Terror Traps |
| | State Champs Erect Triumphal Arch |
| PETA Complains As Revised SAT Tested On Chimpanzees Origami Bird Poached For Scrap Paper |
| Lower Class Dismissed | | | Enchanted By Own Innocence, Michael Jackson Molests Self |
| Life At Neverland Ranch Returns To Ludicrous |
| | Secret Service Not Sure If That Suit Of Armor Was In Oval Office Yesterday |
| | New Lawn-Care Product Makes Neighbor's Lawn Less Green |
| Mail-Order Bride Comes In Wrong Color, Size | |
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