Jesus may love you, but I'm going to get some pipe-hittin' Liberians to go to work on you with a pair of pliers and a blowtorch!
Time to rearrange the Pat Robertson atrocity board. In a just world where a Sky Fairy actually exists, he would dressed in eight layers of filthy clothing in a public park and be muttering to squirrels about CIA broadcasts through his fillings and the invisible atheist gnomes that are stealing his day-old charity bread:
(1) "What we need is for somebody to place a small nuke at Foggy Bottom [headquarters of the State Department]"
(2) On gay days at Disneyworld: "I would warn Orlando that you're right in the way of some serious hurricanes, and I don't think I'd be waving those flags in God's face if I were you, This is not a message of hate -- this is a message of redemption. But a condition like this will bring about the destruction of your nation. It'll bring about terrorist bombs; it'll bring earthquakes, tornadoes, and possibly a meteor."
(3) "Just like what Nazi Germany did to the Jews, so liberal America is now doing to the evangelical Christians. It's no different. It is the same thing. It is happening all over again. It is the Democratic Congress, the liberal-based media and the homosexuals who want to destroy the Christians. Wholesale abuse and discrimination and the worst bigotry directed toward any group in America today. More terrible than anything suffered by any minority in history."
(4) "You know, I don't know about this doctrine of assassination, but if he thinks we're trying to assassinate him, I think that we really ought to go ahead and do it. It's a whole lot cheaper than starting a war." (bonus church sign here.)
(5) "[Planned Parenthood] is teaching kids to fornicate, teaching people to have adultery, every kind of bestiality, homosexuality, lesbianism -- everything that the Bible condemns."
(6) Feminism is a "socialist, anti-family political movement that encourages women to leave their husbands, kill their children, practice witchcraft, destroy capitalism and become lesbians."
(7) "Religious broadcaster Pat Robertson accused President Bush of 'undermining a Christian, Baptist president to bring in Muslim rebels' by asking Liberian President Charles Taylor, recently indicted for war crimes, to step down."
(8) "One justice is 83 years old, another has cancer and another has a heart condition. Would it not be possible for God to put it in the minds of these three judges that the time has come to retire?"
(8a) "Well they can interpret it any way they want to. I'm talking to God, and it's up to Him to make a decision and if some of these folks don't like what I'm praying for and want to pray the other way -- have at it! Let the Lord decide."
(9) Robertson purchased rights from Mobutu to dredge for diamonds in a remote portion of the Zaire river near Tshikapa. Diamond mining is an expensive proposition... In a cost-cutting move, Pat ferried his cargo aboard planes owned by Operation Blessing, a tax-exempt charity of Robertson's working to deliver medical supplies.
(10) "You say you're supposed to be nice to the Episcopalians and the Presbyterians and the Methodists and this, that, and the other thing. Nonsense. I don't have to be nice to the spirit of the Antichrist. I can love the people who hold false opinions but I don't have to be nice to them."
And, just narrowly being nudged out of the top 10, because it's rather implied by the other atrocities, is "[Separation of church and state] was never in the Constitution. However much the liberals laugh at me for saying it, they know good and well it was never in the Constitution! Such language only appeared in the constitution of the communist Soviet Union." Plus he farts a lot and blames it on Satan's dog.
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