Saturday, June 18, 2005

Onion - Medical Marijuana

Last week, the Supreme Court upheld the federal government's right to ban marijuana use, even in states that allow it for medical reasons. What do you think?
Irina Manta
Irina Manta
Systems Analyst
"This is sad news for me and other survivors of nausea."

Brian Netter
Brian Netter
Tile Setter
"I was surprised by the judges' reaction to this whole thing. Especially Scalia, because, y'know, he's cool."
Alan Schoenfeld
Alan Schoenfeld
Shoe Salesman
"Well, can't these cancer patients paint, play sports, or listen to music instead of doing drugs? That's what they taught us in health class."
Daniel S. Korobkin
Daniel S. Korobkin
Podiatirst
"Dude, the small government advocating, states rights supporting conservatives must've been totally high when they wrote that decision."
Robert Yablon
Robert Yablon
Banker
"The Court made the right decision. Once you legalize the medical use of marijuana, it's only a matter of time before you start seeing medical use of harder narcotics, like morphine."
Caroline Wilson
Caroline Wilson
Lab Supervisor
"Great. Now how am I supposed to treat my recurrent case of Doritos Aversion Syndrome?"

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