Monday, February 13, 2012

Burnout Is Real: How to Identify and Address Your Burnout Problem




Most demanding careers practically guarantee stress, but if you're feeling completely exhausted, unable to concentrate, or as though you're neglecting your own well-being, you may be suffering from burnout. It's a very real condition that's easy to ignore, but you can detect and fix the problem if you know what to do. Here's how.
We often use the term "burnout" as a vague label for an exhausting day or week of hard work, but actual burnout is quite a bit more serious. I experienced serious burnout at my first job out of college. I always knew something was wrong because of the long hours and high levels of stress, but I didn't really realize what it was doing to me until my parents came to visit, saw the disastrous state of my apartment, and made me aware of what I'd been trying to ignore. (I'm usually a very tidy person, so even a small mess indicates a problem.) After leaving that job I learned more about burnout, how my life was a perfect (and extreme) example, and what I needed to do to change it. Burnout can be bad, but it isn't insurmountable. You simply need to recognize the symptoms, identify the causes, and take action—both in the short and long term—to remedy the issues you uncover. In this post, we're going to look at how to do those three things.

How to Identify Burnout and Its Cause


Burnout isn't as simple as extreme exhaustion. When you're truly burnt out, there's very little you'll do that isn't necessary for survival. You won't find a regular vacation very refreshing. You not only lose interest in the work that burnt you out in the first place, but in nearly everything else that you do. Fun won't be fun, every little thing will bother you, and you'll be unhappy without fully understanding why. You'll feel this way on a regular basis, and you'll likely believe there isn't an alternative. Of course, many people describe the symptoms of burnout a little bit differently so I've compiled a list from a few sources (including my own experience) to provide a broad view of what burnout can look and feel like:
  • A generally negative attitude, often paired with the feeling that nothing is going to work out.
  • Inability to concentrate.
  • General apathy towards your work, chores, and other tasks.
  • Feelings of stagnation.
  • A lack of interest in social activities and being with others.
  • Difficulty with healthy habits like exercise, diet, and regular sleep.
  • Feeling like you're never doing enough.
  • Neglecting your own needs (and putting the needs of others ahead of your own).
  • Personal values and beliefs lose their importance.
  • Short temper.
  • Constant exhaustion.
  • Feelings of inefficacy.
  • Feelings of detachment from people and things you care about.
  • Frequent boredom.
  • Psychosomatic complaints, such as headaches, lingering colds, and other issues with a cause that's difficult to identify.
  • The denial of these feelings.
Sources: Tech Republic , Wikipedia , and Psychology Today .

Because you may not always be able to identify these issues in yourself, it helps to ask friends or family members that you trust for help. Not only can they provide a useful outside opinion, but they can often offer examples of why they believe you are burnt out. When you're having trouble seeing the problem yourself, these examples can help you realize it's really there. Chances are they will tell you that you're working so much that they never see you anymore. Especially honest friends and family members will tell you that you seem disconnected and aren't as fun to be around as you once were. Be prepared to hear that you're currently not at your best and why.

Once you've identified that you are burnt out, you need to figure out why . For the most people, this should be fairly simple because it will be the primary source of your frustration and will take up the majority of your time. When I was burnt out because of a previous job, I found that I rarely had the ability to concentrate on much else. Even when someone was talking to me, I'd often be thinking about problems at my job or worrying about work I needed to finish. I finally decided I needed to quit when a friend was telling me about an important issue in his life, he asked me what I thought, and my response was "I hate my job." I gave notice the following Monday. Jobs aren't the only source of burnout, however, but how you find that source is generally the same. Pay attention to what's consuming your thoughts and you should have your answer.

How to Undo the Effects of Burnout

Once you've identified and accepted that you're truly burnt out, you need to change it. It takes awhile for burnout to manifest and so it can take awhile to undo as well. You'll need to be ready to make serious changes and stick with them for awhile. The good news is that once you start making these changes, you should start to feel more motivated again. Often times change is the necessary catalyst to make you feel like things are going to get better. By taking these changes slowly and rolling them out over a long period of time (e.g. a year or more), you can keep yourself on track.

Cut Off the Source of the Burnout


Before you can make any changes, you have to figure out which ones are relevant. That will, for the most part, depend on the source of your burnout. Whatever is at the source, you need to cut it off. If your source of burnout is job-related, figure out what the problem is and do everything you can to change it. If you change isn't an option within your job, it may be time to quit. That's a scary prospect regardless of the current unemployment rate, so be sure to have enough savings in place to survive for at least a few months or have another job lined up.

When considering your next job, you'll want to concentrate on two things: a comfortable schedule and control. Your schedule is important because you don't want to be overworked. For many people, burnout originates from too many hours on the job and too little time for oneself. Also, having more control over your work is also relevant because you're coming from a situation where you had very little control over your own life. If you move into a job that provides more responsibility, it'll help you feel like things are getting back on track. This also means that you don't want to rule out jobs you wouldn't have considered previously. Apply for jobs that you think you're unqualified to get—because you might be surprised and actually get one of them—and also apply for a job or two that you think you're too qualified to want—because that kind of job might offer the flexibility and control you need. If you can afford to take a large chunk of time off (e.g. a month or more) before heading back to the working world, however, you should. While a vacation won't solve the problem, it will at least help you generate a little more energy before you take your next steps.
Not every source of burnout can be swapped for something better. If for whatever reason there is no way for you to cut off the source of burnout entirely, you need to get as much help as possible to lighten your load. Ask your friends and family to assist where they can so you have more personal time to figure out a long-term solution to your problem.

Be Unusual


Chances are you have a daily routine, and that's in part because you're unmotivated to do a whole lot beyond what you're used to doing every day when you're burnt out. Simply doing something completely out of the ordinary can make a huge difference. If you sit on your butt all day, go take a walk in the park. If you're constantly connecting with technology, try playing cards or board game. If you always wake up early, sleep in. If you like to sleep in, trying getting up early. Reversing your routine is a simple way to feel refreshed and it takes very little work.

Be Healthy


Your health is exceptionally important, but burnout makes it harder to maintain. It can be particularly difficult to overcome unhealthy behavior because the symptoms of burnout encourages you to overlook your own needs. When you have absolutely no emotional desire to exercise and eat better, the best thing you can do is as little as possible. It's easy to say no to 30 minutes of exercise that requires a gym, but it's much harder to procrastinate when your daily exercise only takes five to 15 minutes and you can do it at home. We've previously outlinedmany ways you can get a complete workout with nothing but your body , so just pick a few exercises you like and do them for a short amount of time during the day. So long as you do some kind of exercise each day, you'll be improving your health little by little. Also, just move around as often as you can. A sedentary lifestyle is harmful to your health , but it can be overcome with regular movement each day .

Getting on a better diet will take a little more willpower, as you'll have to forgo a lot of the unhealthy foods you've used to eke out a little bit of joy in your burnt out life. Just like with the exercise, take it easy and work your way up slowly. Consider everything you like to eat on a regular basis and isolate the top five healthiest choices on that list. Concentrate on eating those more often and be diligent about portion control. This won't involve any dramatic changes in your diet, but will refocus what you already eat so you're eating healthier. When you're feeling up to it, start cooking more often. When you make the food, you have greater control over what's going into your body.

Finally, sleep better (and more if you need to). Burnout's primary symptom is long-term exhaustion, so you need to improve the quality of your sleep if you want things to get better. I found technology to be helpful when diagnosing my sleep problems and figuring out a better routine. If your sleep problems are more specific, however, check out these common solutions .

Be Patient


As previously mentioned, undoing burnout takes time. While you may start to feel better quickly, overriding your previous descent into exhaustion is a long-term process and you can't expect to fix it all in a snap. As you work your way back to feeling better, more energized, and generally happier with your work and personal lives, set both long and short term goals to help you remember that this is a process. Seeing yourself achieve these goals over time will help you know that progress is being made even when it feels like nothing is happening at all. Burnout is difficult to overcome, but you'll get there if you're dedicated.
Images by Leremy (Shutterstock) and Roman Sigaev (Shutterstock) .

Sony raised price of Whitney Houston albums after death



Sony raised price of Whitney Houston albums after death

At The Guardian , Josh Halliday writes about Sony's rush to profit from Whitney Houston's death .
Sony Music has come under fire after it increased the price of a Whitney Houston album on Apple's iTunes Store hours after the singer was found dead.
The music giant is understood to have lifted the wholesale price of Houston's greatest hits album, The Ultimate Collection, at about 4am California time on Sunday. This meant that the iTunes retail price of the album automatically increased from £4.99 to £7.99.
The clockwork regularity of Sony PR disasters is really something. It's as if a Division of Unbridled Cynicism lurks deep in the bowels of its vast workforce, issuing Spite Directives to ensure an ingeniously varied drumbeat of fail.

Flightfox Outsources Your Airfare Search to Save You a Ton of Time and Money



If you'd rather not spend hours looking for the absolute best deal on your next flight, Flightfox may be worth your while. The service's "flight hackers" compete to find you the lowest possible fare in return for a $29 finder's fee (refundable if you're not satisfied).
Currently the average savings listed over base flight prices is $373, but if you browse past savings you'll see that international and multi-city flights are especially ripe with possible savings if you let someone else do the searching for you rather than going the traditional Kayak or Expedia route: In a Canberra, Australia to San Francisco, CA contest, the price saved was $2,252 per person (24%), and a flight from Singapore to Hartford, CT $1,203 saved per person (54%).
You can, however, also save a bit on domestic travel too. One flight between West Palm Beach and Austin was priced at $198 on Flightfox, but when I plugged the flight details into Kayak the lowest price I found was $342. Not huge, but still, clearly these travel searchers have other sources.
Flightfox has a few things going for it. As mentioned, the fee is entirely refundable if you don't get the savings you want. Second, you can add in unusual requirements for your trip, such as you're traveling with three cats or one person traveling with you will be flying back at a different time or you demand a TV screen in front of you for the whole trip. It's an alternative to using a travel agent, and the fee covers each person/ticket on the trip (rather than having to pay a fee per ticket).
Worth a consideration, at least, if you have a big flight coming up and don't want to spend hours shopping for it (or learning how to become a travel hacker or the nitty gritty of cheap airfare and so on yourself).
Flightfox | via Gadling

How to Get a Used-Car Warranty (and Not Get Screwed)



(Photo by fotog/Getty Images)
It's Eric Anderson's job to know how much it costs you to own a car. And number-crunchers like Anderson, a senior analyst at IntelliChoice, know more than they ever have before—thanks partly to the proliferation of certified preowned (CPO) programs that nearly every carmaker in America now offers. These programs offer extended service contracts as part of the package when you buy a used car, which means, among other things, that all the repairs are tracked—and tracked in the same way that repairs done under new-car warranties are.
Anderson's math helps guide IntelliChoice's Best Overall Value of the Year Awards . But the real reason data like his matter to you is that it shows the differences in warranties that various automakers offer on preowned cars—both CPO vehicles and other used autos. Figuring out whether to buy a warranty on a used car, or how to do it, can be a tangled mess. But we're here to help. For some advice on buying used, what warranties are best on the CPO front, and what to watch out for in extended warranties if you don't buy a CPO vehicle, read on. As you might imagine, it all starts with "read the fine print."

Go CPO

Certified preowned-car warranties provide peace of mind because factory warranties are backing the product, but Anderson says there's another crucial factor: manufacturer vetting. CPO cars have to be in good to great shape to be insurable. "The only way [car companies] can offer CPO is because they're making money on the aggregate of the warranties. If they weren't, the business model wouldn't make any sense." Like any insurer, carmakers want to insure mostly healthy patients. But unlike health insurance providers, car companies can inspect every patient top to bottom to make sure it's healthy. They'll do small repairs to prep a CPO for sale, but any vehicle that needs major work, such as a new transmission, will never make it into the certified preowned pool. The upshot: A CPO car is already a good machine or the carmaker would never sell it as such. That puts the dealer in a position where he doesn't feel like he has to hide anything from you.

Shopping for CPOs

But just as new-car warranties differ, not all CPO warranties are created equal. When you're shopping for one, Anderson says, look first at the deductibles. Audi charges $85, BMW $50, and Land Rover $100, none of which may surprise you (though neither Mercedes or Lexus charges a deductible). But it is a shocker that Chrysler charges $150 and Ford $100. Also, check whether the CPO warranty is transferable if the car is sold prior to its expiration, which could apply to you if you're the buyer or the seller. Audi, Infiniti/Nissan, and Lexus all say no, but Kia will let you transfer a warranty, though it charges $40. There's a ton of fine print that comes with CPO warranties. Read it—the details should be on the manufacturers' websites. The information within covers a lot of ground. Can you finance a CPO car? Can you lease a CPO car? Is roadside assistance included? Look for deal-breakers. There's no such thing as perfection; it just depends on where you're willing to bend and where you're not. The biggest question, however, is the obvious one: how much coverage you're going to get and for how long. Lexus offers three-years/100,000 miles, which is one of the best CPO warranties around. It compares favorably witih other programs that offer anywhere from three months comprehensive/12 months powertrain to 24 months comprehensive coverage.

To Extend the CPO Warranty or Not?

Before you buy a certified preowned car, you should investigate not only the warranty details, but also whether you can buy an extended warranty. This is especially true for a luxury car, and even more so if the CPO contract covers only a year or two. Luxury cars are typically expensive to maintain and the extra warranty protection is nearly always a wise play. However, Anderson says, extended warranties are becoming an increasingly smart move even for other vehicles. "Think of Ford's Sync or any other sophisticated electronic system," he says. When it goes south, it requires a great deal of troubleshooting. "Often the parts are cheap, but it takes them a long time to figure out why something isn't working, and at $85 or $120 an hour, that labor adds up quickly." But (you knew there was a but, right?), not all extended warranties are necessarily worth it. Audi doesn't even offer one, nor does Porsche or Mini, and even if you can get one you still need to look at the limitations. For instance, you might find an extended warranty that covers up to five years, but ends at 74,000 miles. If you're buying a car with 60,000 miles on it already, that extended warranty isn't much good. Finally, a little secret of the extended warranty game is that they cost the dealer a set amount. How much isn't public knowledge and carmakers won't share that information, but dealers are free to use it as a bargaining chip. They can throw it in with the purchase price of a CPO car or non-CPO car; they can charge more than it costs them. The point is that it's negotiable, so you should feel free to ask for the time to study what the warranty covers and what it doesn't, and haggle over the price.

Don't Fear if You Don't Buy CPO

Sometimes a certified preowned car isn't an option. What if you inherit a car, buy one from a neighbor or a friend, or buy an ordinary, non-CPO used car? You can still get coverage by purchasing a factory extended warranty from a dealer, or an aftermarket warranty. While the latter idea scares many customers, probably because of a belief that the factory warranty is "better," the truth is that most factory warranties are serviced by the same companies that sell aftermarket warranties. Remember: It's all insurance. Carmakers don't really want to be in the insurance business, they want to be in the car business. So they negotiate contracts with giant companies that provide insurance in the form of warranties.
Both JM&A and EasyCare provide both aftermarket insurance to dealers and new/used-car insurance to dealers and manufacturers. EasyCare lets you buy insurance directly from them, while JM&A processes most of its sales directly through dealers. Do your homework when scouting an aftermarket warranty—and be cautious. Anderson says he's rated the warranties from companies like JM&A and EasyCare because they're safe for consumers and have a long legacy in business. But IntelliChoice actually stopped even bothering to rate the products from a slew of other firms that seemed to come and go every year. He suggests asking for a referral to a BBB rating and even finding out what dealers or car manufacturers the insurance companies work with. If you're on the phone shopping for a quote, the salesperson ought to be able to steer you to that information easily—it's a red flag if she or he can't. The same goes for the shopping experience at the dealer. They may not know off hand about every company, but they should certainly be able to provide you with paperwork so you can do this legwork yourself.

Pimp Your Ride, Void Your Warranty

It's fine to be a tinkerer, and if you're changing your own tires, air filter, or oil, that's usually fine. But if you're doing performance modifications on your used car, then be warned: You're almost surely voiding your base, CPO, or extended coverage. That should be a no-brainer, but it's yet another reason to ask lots of questions before you buy any coverage—you should be able to find out what basic service you can do on your own car without endangering the warranty. "Dealers aren't looking for reasons to deny you coverage," Anderson says, since they're going to get reimbursed for whatever work they do on your car. But they have to protect their own liability. If you put a turbo on your Civic, then you can bet any drivetrain coverage you had went up in smoke.

The Bottom Line

Messy, right? There are some simple rules to follow. Namely: The best plan B for those of us who can't afford driving new is to drive CPO. It's a safer bet at least than driving a car with no warranty of any kind. And don't be afraid of an aftermarket warranty—it you buy it from a legit company with a long record. But there's no default answer to cover every possible car and situation, so do your homework—and know yourself. Weigh what you owe on the car and its potential resale value; then consider whether you can afford to drop multiple thousands of dollars on a new engine or a replacement transmission, or whether the hedge of an extended warranty (which could cost you somewhere between $600 and $2000) is a smarter gamble.
Plus, doing all this math will give you a much better idea of the value of your car and how much you value peace of mind. This is why the risk averse lease, or at least sell once the manufacturer's warranty has expired.

Video of Multibeast - Hackintosh's Best Friend OSx86



We give you a basic overview of Multibeast—the handy hackintosh post-installation tool by tonymacx86 and MacMan—in our always up-to-date guide to building a hackintosh , but just enough to give you the basics. In the video above, hackintosher StingRay walks you through every little detail of MultiBeast so you can get to know one of the most vital tools for the process.
In addition to detailing each option in MultiBeast, StingRay explains the best practices involved for each choice you make. Although MultiBeast is an easy tool to use, it can be a little confusing the first time around because it's unfamiliar territory. If you're planning on building a hackintosh, you'll want to watch this video so you're prepared and ready for the job.
Multibeast Overview Video | tonymacx86 blog

Salary Negotiations: Don't be Tough, be Honest



Unless you were born with a peculiar penchant for arguing over your livelihood, salary negotiations are stressful and difficult. We're often told that these negotiations require an iron constitution and a willingness to play the "game", but if that approach has never worked for you, guest writer Jeff Northrop offers an alternative that works for him: Be honest.
I read a blog post the other day about how to properly negotiate a salary. It received a lot attention and generated a heated discussion . Obviously this is important to many of us—me included.
However, I see things differently than Patrick. I've liked almost all of my bosses (five to date), and enjoyed my past places of employment. I've generally felt fairly compensated and when I haven't, I've done my research to make sure my feelings match reality then talked to my boss about it. In short I've treated salary negation like a considerate human relationship, not a game to win. Maybe I've "left money on the table," but I hate playing games and frankly compensation negotiations aren't a game.
The gist of Patrick's post is this: "Be more assertive and shamelessly demand more." I've been thinking about that advice quite a bit since reading it and it makes me feel sorry for those who have to follow this advice at face value.
I do agree that many people need to be more frank about their needs and wants, but why the need to take such an adversarial approach? It's important to keep in mind that you're negotiating with a human being and all the emotional baggage that comes with it.
I guess the original author believes that being difficult in negotiations is the best method to get the most value. Honestly, I haven't tried it, but I imagine it leaves the risk of getting a relationship off on the wrong foot. And, at the end of the day, a large part of your job satisfaction relies on the relationship between you and your manager.
The whole discussion around "don't give the first number" is ridiculous. My "rule number one," and only rule, in going into any negotiation is to know what you want as the result before you start. Given that, if you have done your research and know what salary you want, there is no reason not to come out and state it when asked.
If the hiring manager wants to ask for a number in the first interview, fine with me. "I want around $xxx,xxx. Of course I'll take into consideration the complete package but I think that's a fair starting point."
At that point you can end that line of questioning and decline to get more specific without coming across like you are playing games. If they do persist and ask you for more details (expected vacation, etc.) at this point you can comfortably tell them you don't want to get into those details yet. Unless you do. In that case tell them you like to take every August off to be with your European relatives. Or that you need to work from home every Friday. Why not?
Everyone is different and everyone has their own style and organizations are much the same. So go into negotiations prepared, do your homework on salaries and compensation packages, and know what you want, but in the end be yourself. Then when the final job offer makes you happy, take the job and be happy. Photo by james weston /Shutterstock.
Salary Negotiations, Don't be Tough, be Honest | Jeff Northrop
Jeff Northrop, CIPP/US, CISSP is a software developer, privacy professional, and occasional entrepreneur. Currently a Director at the International Association of Privacy Professionals .

Saturday, February 11, 2012

The Frugal Grocery List


As fuel costs rise and the demand for food increases, so do the prices at the grocery store. For example, domestic wholesale food prices rose a dramatic 3.9 percent in February 2011, the largest increase in a single month since 1974. Internationally, the cost of food rose 37% in the year between February 2010 and 2011, according to an organization of the United Nations.
In the midst of a recession, even a slight increase in a grocery budget can have a major negative impact on the family budget. The financial burden of digging deeper into your pockets to cover basic needs, like food, often means going without. Instead of making the hard decision between essentials like food, medical expenses or utilities, reworking your grocery list may be the ticket to making your dollars stretch.
The following food items are inexpensive pantry and refrigerator staples that are also the foundations of many tasty and nutritious recipes. Just add a meat (on sale, of course!) and additional vegetable or side, for a simple, budget-friendly meal.
You can also check out MintLife's weekly Frugal Foodie column , as well as this article about how to grocery shop frugally and ethically.
Keeping a continuous stock of these items guarantees you will always have something to feed the family. These items are all on the inexpensive side and because you can make numerous breakfast, lunch and dinner meals by re-using the following ingredients, you will also save money by keeping the grocery list small.

Seasonings

-Garlic -Salt


-Pepper


-Dried Italian Herbs

Produce

-Pre-washed salad greens and at least two other salad vegetables of your choice -Apples


-Potatoes


-Onions

In the Baking Aisle

-All-Purpose Flour -Regular Sugar -Brown Sugar


-Vegetable Oil


-Olive Oil

Grains and Pastas

-Rice -Sliced Bread -Oatmeal


-Spaghetti Pasta


-Ziti Pasta

Canned Foods

-Beans -Crushed Tomatoes -Tomato Sauce


-Chicken Broth or Stock

Dairy

-Eggs


-Milk


-Butter

Example meals include:

-Eggs and toast or oatmeal with brown sugar for breakfast. -Roasted potatoes with garlic and onions and a meat of your choice for dinner.

-Various rice dishes, such as fried rice (rice, eggs, chicken broth, onion and another vegetable of your choice).

-Various pasta dishes (spaghetti, crushed tomatoes, garlic, dried Italian herbs, salt and pepper).

Engagement Ring Shopping on Budget

Engagement Ring Shopping Tips
Diamonds 101
Before we get started, I have a few words about the "Four C's" of diamonds: Cut, Clarity, Color, and Carat. If you consult a jeweler, it's likely that they are going to give you an in-depth presentation on the importance of these four factors. In my opinion, not all of them should be weighed evenly.
The clarity of a diamond is related to the imperfections within the stone. Most of them are microscopic and cannot be seen with the naked eye. The diamond in my engagement ring actually has a huge flaw in the corner of it. At least, that's what I've been told because it's certainly something I have never noticed. Why pay more for something that isn't noticeable?
The color rating of the diamond is related to the absence of color within the diamond, or how "yellow" the stone is. Yellow, being undesirable. The highest rated diamonds are given a D, E, or F in color. The next tier on the color scale is G, H, I and J. Unless you are comparing a D stone to a J one, the differences in color are difficult to detect with the naked eye. You can save yourself a ton of dough by sticking to the second tier.
Fine jewelry designer Staci, of AnaStaci , says, "A big, colorless diamond with very few inclusions is much more rare to find than one that has some color or a few imperfections. I believe the most important of the 4 C's are cut and carat weight. Color is very personal. I have had clients like a little color in their diamonds, where others love the clear blue vividness of a D color graded diamond."
The cost of a diamond is largely based on the carat, or size of the diamond. There are ways to create the illusion of a larger stone, as mentioned below in this article, but there is another way to cut corners around this one. Purchasing a diamond just below a whole number will dramatically reduce the price. For example, a diamond that is .9 carats, versus 1 carat, is much less expensive. You can use this rule wherever your budget falls on the stone sizing.
The cut of the diamond is what gives it its sparkle. A poorly cut diamond will have a huge impact on how the light reflects off the stone. Think about putting a significant portion of your budget into a diamond that is properly cut. Staci also says, "The cut is the only part of the diamond that is man-dictated, and really defines the brilliance of a stone. Inclusions are hard for many average people to see, so you can 'give' in this area."
Finally, where you purchase your diamond is ultimately more important than any of the Four C's. Diamonds are beautiful and they may last forever, but the social and ethical price to bring them to market is larger than any dollar figure can ever amount to. Some ethical and socially responsible diamond dealers to consider are BrilliantEarth.com and TurtleLoveCo.com.
Now that you are all diamond aficionados, we can get down to the nitty gritty: How to buy an engagement ring on a budget.

Take the pressure off.

Whether your budget is $50 or $50,000, keep in mind that an engagement ring is a symbol love and commitment, not keeping up with the Joneses. Starting a life together with unnecessary financial stress and burden completely misses the point of the meaning behind a marriage proposal. Let go of the idea that the size of the ring is equivalent to the magnitude of your love and settle on a figure that is within your means.

Select a style.

Certain engagement ring styles are more affordable than others. Here are a few to consider:
Pronged Setting. This style uses less metal, which significantly lowers the price of the setting. You can use the extra dollars you saved to invest in the stone or your IRA. Just saying'.
Fancy cuts. The least expensive cut right now is the marquis, an oval-shaped diamond with points at the ends that appears larger than it is. Round cut diamonds are the most expensive, as they are classic and are the only stones that can offer a perfectly mathematical, symmetrical cut to provide the most fire and scintillation. According to Staci, "Princess cuts, ovals and cushions are great options, as they fit nicely in the very popular vintage-inspired settings that many girls like these days. These 'fancy cuts' as they are termed are less expensive per carat than rounds."
Engraving and filigree. Skip eternity settings (bands that are adorned with tiny diamonds all the way around) and opt for engraving or filigree instead. This is an easy way to "fancy" up a band without shelling out big bucks for a ton of sparkle. Fun fact: My wedding ring is intricately engraved all the way around and is often mistaken for an eternity band.
Halo setting. A halo design is where the center stone is surrounded by a circle of smaller stones. This design gives the optical illusion of a larger center stone, if that's what you are going for. Halo settings are high on the "wow" factor and give the ring a vintage feel.

Something old vs. something new.

Certain antique stores carry exquisite and unique alternatives to traditional engagement rings. A family heirloom is also an excellent alternative option that also carries deep meaning. I have a particular fondness for antique engagement rings because they are timeless, one-of-a-kind pieces that come with a rich history.

Think outside the box. 

There are plenty of stunning stones that make beautiful alternatives to diamonds. Consider using your partner's birthstone or a stone related to the month of an important date in your relationship. Blue, pink or yellow sapphires are popular alternatives, as are citrine, peridot, moonstone, and pearls. Moissonite, a stone harvested in a lab, is rising in popularity because of its sparkly, inexpensive, and socially responsible nature.
Staci also recommends using alternative stones. "I love tourmaline stones as they are so unique. They come in a range of color from hunter green to watermelon pink. I did an amazing 8-carat bi-color tourmaline (meaning the color of the stone had an ombre effect that started green at one end and faded into a beautiful light pink on the other) set with yellow gold and diamonds.

Thinks waaaaay outside the box.

For some you wild and crazy cats out there, an engagement ring just isn't your thing. There are plenty of cultures that honor marriage in other ways and who says you have to put a rock on someone's finger to symbolize your commitment to each other? Maybe you want to create your own tradition or ceremony when you decide to commit to your partner. The important thing is that you feel connected to the symbol, whatever it may be. There are no rules in love, just… love.

How To: Get the Best Possible Care from your Doctor


Going to the doctor can be a difficult, frightening experience, and too often we avoid telling our doctors the things they need to know for a proper diagnosis or care. Maybe we're too afraid, or we've rationalized away our symptoms as unimportant. Regardless, being an active participant in your health care has never been more important, and I asked a doctor what he wished more of his patients were up-front about when they came to see him. Here's what he said.

Garbage In, Garbage Out: Make Sure You Get It All Off Your Chest

Dr. Dan Weiswasser is a primary care physician who's been in outpatient practice for seven years. I asked him what patients can do to put their minds at ease, and he responded with an acronym that many of you are familiar with, but applies here: GIGO (Garbage In, Garbage Out). "In other words, if, as a patient, you deliberately provide inaccurate information to or withhold information from your doctor, you may be handicapping the very person who is trying to help you," he said. "If you are anxious about divulging a certain piece of information, be upfront and share that concern with your health care provider. A good provider should be able to address your anxiety. And chances are good that he or she has seen others who are having the same struggles."
In essence, being afraid, even if you think it might mean bad news, is something we all just have to push through. If you're deliberately trying to mislead your doctor, that's bad enough, but if you're rationalizing away real symptoms that you should discuss with your primary care physician or any doctor you see, you have to get through the fog of fear and anxiety and be up-front with what's going on. Here are some tips to remember:
  • Tell your doctor you're nervous . Most doctors will try to put you at ease and remind you that they're there to help, even if it means they have to tell you some bad news in the process. They'll also likely let you know that they've seen this—or worse—before, and even if they don't say it, keep it in mind. You're likely not the first person to have your symptoms, and you're likely not the first person the doctor's seen with them.
  • Bad news now is better than worse news later . Personally, I've had friends and family who avoid disclosing symptoms to doctors until their illness was so far along that doctors had difficulty treating it. Rationale aside, it's important to remember that if you don't talk about it now, you will talk about it later, and later may be a more solemn conversation.
  • Don't be embarrassed . "Many patients are specifically reluctant to talk about psychiatric issues, sexual practice and/or drug use, but, depending on the issues at hand, these behaviors may influence what is in the "differential diagnosis", the list of diagnoses that an provider considers when you come to him or her with symptoms and concerns," Dr. Weiswasser explained. Don't be embarrassed. Your doctor isn't there to pass judgement. They may be human, but their primary obligation is to help you get well, and they need all the information you can provide.
  • Find a provider you trust . If the reason you have difficulty talking to your doctor is because you "don't trust doctors," or "they're all in it for the money," or "blah blah medical-industrial-big-pharma-complex," then you need to do some digging and find a doctor or health care provider that you trust and who aligns with your values towards health care. We've even mentioned tools that can helpyou find one .
  • Don't be afraid to ask questions . A good patient is an educated patient, and you should be an active participant in your health care. Ask questions, get engaged, read up on illnesses and treatments, and how they may impact you. Let your doctor know when you're unsettled. Share your own opinions and the things you've read, but at the end of the day, remember they're the expert. Allow yourself to be educated—not to the point of passivity, but if you have a doctor you trust, you should be able to be open with them about your doubts as well as learn from what they can teach you.

Tests Don't Reveal Everything

Many people hold back, hoping that a battery of tests will reveal their true condition without them having to say anything at all. That's not true. When talking to your doctor, don't assume that "oh, it'll come up on my bloodwork if it's a problem," or "they'll see it when they look at my x-rays." Tests don't reveal everything, and tests don't give your physician the first-hand account they need to empathize with you and try to understand what you're going through.
This "procedural medical drama" thinking may work on television, but it doesn't always work in real doctor's offices and hospitals. What's worse, tests that could be avoided if you and your doctor were on the same page about your symptoms can at times be costly, unnecessary, and delay needed treatment. You may need some tests anyway, but it's better to clear the air first.

What You Say Is Private

Another important thing to keep in mind is the fact that what you say to your doctor can become part of your medical record. If that makes you worry, don't—it's actually a good thing. There are very strict privacy laws around your medical history, and tight controls over who can see it and under what circumstances. "It is true that whatever you say could become a part of your medical record, so it's not right to ask your HCP to omit it once you've mentioned it," Dr. Weiswasser explained. "There are, however, strict regulations, found within the federal HIPAA law (Health Insurance Portability and Accountability Act), which dictate that protected health information must be kept private. Each HIPAA violation can cost a doctor up to $50,000 ."
Make no mistake, there have been instances where somemone's medical records were mistakenly made available to someone who shouldn't have seen them, but it's a rare exception. For most people, what you say to your doctor is private and between you and them, and only used in delivering you the best possible care. Again, if you feel like you can't trust your doctor, it's time to get a copy of your medical records—available to you at any time, usually for a small fee—and find a doctor you trust with your privacy. Whatever you do, it's more important to be able to tell all comfortably than try to eke quality care out of half-truths.
In the end, it's most important to remember that your health and well-being are paramount, and you shouldn't let anything—even your anxiety and worry—stand between you and better health. Dr. Weiswasser sums it up, "by withholding the whole story from your health care provider, you are running the risk of prolonging your suffering and increasing your possible complications. Be forthright. A good provider is there to help and not to judge."
Do you get along well with your doctor? How did you find a doctor you trusted? Share your thoughts and your tips in the comments below.
Dr. Dan Weiswasser is a primary care physician who's been in outpatient practice in Western Massachusetts for seven years. He spends half his time seeing patients of all ages and half his time doing administrative work, focusing on quality issues and an Epic electronic medical record system. He offered his assistance with this story, and we thank him.

PaperKarma: Stops Junk Main with a Snap of a Photo [FREE - For Now]



iOS/Android/WP7: Nobody likes junk mail, but if you're too lazy to go through and unsubscribe to everything individually, PaperKarma is a new app that only requires you to take a picture of the offending mail to remove yourself from the junk mail database.
PaperKarma works on magazines, catalogs, coupons, fliers, credit card offers, and even the Yellow Pages. To sign up for the service, you need to hand over a bit of your own information, including your address and email. Once you do, all you need to do is snap a picture of the junk mail in your mailbox and PaperKarma unsubscribes you from the list. The nice thing is that you can pick and choose what you unsubscribe from. If you like getting a particular catalog, you can keep it on your list.

It's currently a free download for iPhone , Android , and Windows Phone 7 .

PaperKarma | via TechCrunch